25 11 / 2012

I am quite sure most of you have seen the rather large green dragon that has been flying over the north east side of Grand Rapids for the better part of a week. I am looking for someone to:

1.) Lure said dragon away from Grand Rapids to a more rural area.
2.) Force said dragon to land in rural area.
3.) Slay said dragon in whatever way you see fit.

No Pay, dragon slaying is it’s own reward.
Please note that I am not talking about the red dragon that frequents the area from time to time. He and I have an agreement. 

20 11 / 2012

Nemesis Required Compensation Negotiable (West End of Hartford) - Craigslist Ad

"I’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 29 years old, in a happy relationship, and I am a busy law student. Unfortunately, something is missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but, in short, I need a nemesis.

I’m willing to pay $20 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when I’m running to class and occasionally whisper in my ear, “Ah ha!, we meet again!”. That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me.

You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at stealthy pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.

British accent preferred, but asian ancestry. Fu manchu’s go right to the top.”